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With

by Yitzi

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1.
I stole the right of you to make change I breathed you in and when you left my body I could see waves Isn't this what you wanted Being made in your image doing your work Isn't this what you wanted Something like you to exist in a mirror When I'm most alive Joy and sadness mix I am totally in love And we benefit I will take my pain As a bitter friend Teaching me your name When I can't listen All the time you're here All around me now Lift the lids off my eyes' eyes I'm completely wowed Isn't this what you wanted Being made in your image doing your work Isn't this what you wanted
2.
If my chest And my gut And my head Were a part Of a larger Puzzle Would I be able To take them apart Make them unstable Deep in my heart Lose their connections I'm in love No sum of breath can Keep them above The space in between Your truest language That's what I mean That's what I mean That's what I mean That's what I mean when I look in your eyes Past your eyelids Past your lines All of your wrinkles Past your deep sighs Through your stream of words See through your insides I look even more inner Your innermost Even past the elemental Water and fire The air and the earth And all of your tired People that love you And look in your eyes I look so deeply I can't even see I can't even feel My body parts separate And you come within You break up my inner State And make me the land Again You're my friend My best best friend The only friend You never end
3.
I feel something coming out Of my chest maybe it's blood Maybe an alien maybe a baby Maybe it's music maybe rest Wouldn't know what it was if I shot it down it feels uncomfortable, there's so many options, maybe it is love After all Maybe I'll write it down maybe make a song out of It it's so present It's so mysterious All I know is it wants to come out Of my chest it is throbbing almost sobbing like when I have to vomit I'll feel better afterwards Maybe it is pain Maybe it's sanity Maybe it's a flower blooming Dark clouds looming Soothing feelings, reeling from some beauty I think I may have Just let it out Now you can see What it's about It wasn't something And it wasn't nothing Maybe what was in between Either way I have a slightly softer feeling I've been unstuck I've seen inner weather again It's called expression It's called love You came through me as pain you Came out as vomit Now you are in the vacant space Left inside my softening face And you are always love And you are always love
4.
Return me, again I'm so weak I need a friend I've somehow lost all of mine In this moment Will You be there for me When all this is in flames? I don't know Your name Maybe that's why I feel like we're the same Through the pain, through heartbreak Through the despair and through fear I feel such a strong light coming my way Through the people fighting with people Killing their neighbors To save their saviors I see a light coming for me, shining so brightly I've seen angels stuck in their heads Thinking the only way to live is through the dead And I, in my solemn state Don't want it to be true Then I notice that the only truth is Actually You Shining through to me Shining to me Come through to all of us We need You so bad!
5.
Come to me Come to me swiftly I’m in pain I am suffering I don’t know exactly why And I don’t know how to find You in this house of mirrors Where scary things are feeling realer I am not in my own homeland And I know you said everywhere is my homeland But I don’t feel that way right now And I’m wondering how To feel that way in a place That I cannot face Come to me Come to me swiftly Aren’t you the state Of belonging to any state? Aren’t you the place That’s full of wide open space? Aren’t you the land The unowned unnamed land? So I hope to feel your arms Gripping tightly round my head Breaking through these believed walls Birthing life from the dead Oh I’m emptying, waiting To receive you again Lose my vision Glasses break, it’s blurry things will never end In your truest form Where truth escapes the truest words Come to me Come to me swiftly Don’t even try Just enter my hollow body I can’t help but let you in And you fill me to the brim With what I’ll never know And that’s where I feel at home
6.
Where can I find you? Is it in my head? Is it in my chest? Or is it in a forest In a desert In a cave In the dark, pitch black Reaching for your unknown ways Is it in the tremble of two hearts beating fast Is it in the accidental Way two lips brush past Each other Past the reasons not to act Not to plunge into a moment Risking doubts and fears and painlessness For holding on to something Could be nothing could be everything Could be the rest of our lives Could be eternity or love Or the feeling of existing Could be mirrors could be dreams I don’t know it could be you It could be you It could be you It could be you It could be you I’ll just say it I am loving this Here now
7.
8.
Living in a garden Full of stories and lies Can't tell what's real When all beauty's in my mind I keep forgetting I am the gardener, I give life Sometimes I get wrapped Up in all of my vines Don't take it literally I am lost inside my mind Listen simply What's inside inside but eyes in eyes in eyes But I love the garden Don't want it to fade away Afraid of changing The most common human story I'm in love again What does that mean, you say? You can't be attached and You must be patient, cultivate Accept your emotions But do not let them control you Drink life's potion But don't get drunk off its juice Don't take it literally I am lost inside my mind Listen simply What's inside inside but eyes in eyes in eyes But I love the garden Don't want it to fade away Afraid of changing The most common human story I know that The only way to love you is to let you go I know that The only way to hold you is to let you go So go So go
9.
In the mirrors In the doubts In the fears I love you so much In desire In attachment In the reeds I love you so much In the swampy, muggy heat In retreat I love you so much In the guilt In the flame In the shame I love you so much In your eyes In your thighs In our lies I love you so much In your wisdom Incoherence In the play I love you so much In your disappearing act Night and day I love you so much In the fall out In the fall down Lie the ways I love you so much In the lost hope in our species In the blame game I love you so much And most of all, In the quiet nights, When she feels closer than my thoughts I love you so much

about

With started as a realization: that "with" is the basic word, the basic element, that allows anything to exist. It is not the I, the You, or the It that exists by themselves, but the space in between that binds them together and allows them to exist. Everything is relational; everything is with.

I wanted to make an album of love songs to God, who I have been coming into deeper relation and intention with. And ultimately, to me, God is "you": you, a person; you, me; you, the land; you, the world; you, everything; you, any "you" you want it to be. So all these songs are written to and with a You, and I am with that You in... In a Mirror, In Your Eyes, In the Quiet Nights. It is as if With is what begins us, You is what makes me I, and In is what holds our interaction.

These are winding, lyrical, half-dream half-awake, emotional, political, flowery, spiraling songs that I wrote during my time in Jerusalem, in Israel-Palestine, in deep relationship with land, community, individuals, and self. I hope you enter inside my experience, and I hope you enter inside your own experience - who is your You, what is your With, where is your In?

This music is in collaboration with my dear friend Laura Sue Rosner's beautiful painting depicting me being with. She shows me wearing tefillin, the Jewish ritual straps that bind the Sh'ma, a prayer about listening to and loving God's oneness, to my arm and my forehead. And from or to this prayer flows the rainbow, the spectrum of all colors, all possibilities, and the symbol of God's covenant with humankind. "עִם" (Im), the Hebrew word for With, is negative space amidst this spectrum, both the combination of all and the absence of specificity. It is the clear light before it hits an object. And surrounding my meditation, my "being with", is not emptiness but rather a dense, vibrant, dreamlike world of bougainvillea flowers and sky. "What if I were a flower and you were the sky..." (You (In Tight Embrace)).

I am honored to share our creation with you.

credits

released January 29, 2020

Deep gratitude to Laura Sue Rosner for being with my music through your amazing art, and for being with me as a dear dear friend throughout our time in Jerusalem.

And to my wonderful community Achvat Amim Cohort 12 for holding me and each other through our challenges, wrestlings, growings, laughings, lovings these past five months. And to Jerusalem, and to Israel and Palestine, and the desert, and the trees, and the sheep and goats, and to Raz's Minyan and prayer and the High Holidays, and the forest, the desert, the cave, and many more beautiful beings for holding me throughout my time in those places. And to God, and to You, who I don't know Your name, and I don't know who or what the heck you are in most moments, and I feel I can't be with you and I feel I can be with you and etc. etc. To You, thank you.

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Yitzi Burlington, Vermont

After growing up in Burlington, VT, Yitzi embarked on a spiritual, philosophical, poetic journey that took him to lands far and wide, that took him inside the mountains and crevices of his own and other's hearts, and that always came pouring out of his guitar and voice in song. ... more

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